To Find a Purpose

I feel empowered by the written word. I feel obligated to write my story down on paper…er, computer screen. Some days the words need to be coaxed and soothed out of my system. While other days, each letter runs rampantly out of each fingertip, aching to be a part of my story. But every time that I write, I feel a sense of newness and purpose. It’s a way to give back to people that I’ve never met.  It’s my way to renew my soul and find hope in everyday ordinariness. I only hope that my writing can reach out to one person and help them find those same things

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A Tribute

I had previously written a post about my grandpa who had Alzheimer’s, A Rare Spirit. Since that post in  March my grandfather has passed away. 

Before he passed, I was able to see him one last time.

This last day he remembered who I was. He kept telling me over and over that we were the best of friends. He also told me that I was his sweetheart. I don’t think I will ever forget those last words because he spent most of my life telling me those things. But it meant even more to me that day that he could remember. It’s amazing how important memories become when a person you love loses their own.

My heart breaks and my eyes water just thinking about my Grandpa Howard. There will never be another like him. He was honest and trustworthy…the kind of man who would do anything for his family. He was always there as much as he could be for everyone. Howie had enough sass in him to make the worst day, a great day.

The  main thing that causes my heart to fissure is the thought, I wish I had more time. There never seems to be enough of it when it comes to loved ones. I loved Howie with all my heart and I wish I could tell him that 1 million times over. 

I miss his laugh.  I miss resting my head on his knee while I sat by his feet at family gatherings. I miss the way he called everyone “friend” and treated strangers like they were just that. I miss my cousin Leah and I being his sweethearts. I miss everything about that man. 

I know that he would laugh and say, Sweetheart, life doesn’t work that way. We’ll see each other soon enough.

He always had such faith in the ones that loved him.

With that, the rest that I want to say can be summed up with these lyrics by Carrie Underwood from her song, See you again.

Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone
Faded into the setting sun,
Slipped away
But I won’t cry
Cause I know I’ll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me,
You are the light I follow

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you
In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again.

‘Til I see you again,