New Hobby

Hello all!

 

I haven’t been able to update much on here because I am going through the stressful planning that comes with getting married!

I have been making a lot of my own decorations and desserts and found out that I absolutely love this stuff! I find it relaxing and doing these things keeps me sane. Which is a little ironic, because I had a few people that were worried I would become too stressed taking on all of the arrangements.

It has been a blast! Since, this type of thing may be stressful for other people or people who are having much bigger weddings that myself; I have decided to keep making these decorations and sell them on Etsy.com to try to help out other fellow wedding parties! Feel free to check them out!!

 https://www.etsy.com/listing/198326972/vintage-handmade-mason-jar-flower-vases?

Unfinished

This is a work in progress, but I wanted to share it in hopes that it reaches someone who needs these words. I feel at some point in all our of lives, we meet people who we love but aren’t good for our souls. We can love them, but from a distance. This can be family members, former significant others or current ones, and even friends. Please, remember that you don’t have to settle for loves that can’t understood your soul. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply makes you human. Much love!

You say you love me

But it doesn’t show

Half-truths and lies are all you know

I nod my head

And act like I might care

I can feel my heart shrinking

The closer that I stare

Into the mess that you call a happy life

Love only matters when it can be bought

You can buy my heart

But it comes with a heavy price

The dollar sign may cause your life some strife

My heart needs hope and faith that won’t run cold

My age is young but my soul is old

I need love, a love that won’t run dry

As soon as an ounce of truth drops into your eye

You are Enough

I want you to know, whoever you are, that you are enough. You are a beautiful person and you have to trust that life will take you just where you need to be. In life, many of us have a tendency to self sabatoge when things in life are going great. It’s like we feel that we must be doing something wrong to deserve something so wonderful. I’m here to tell you that you deserve all the best things that life has to offer. You, as a person, are enough. Work hard, love deep, and embrace everything that life has to offer.

 

How to be Happy…It might be just this simple.

I recently read this article, 7 Things Remarkably Happy People Do Often, and found majority of the items to be things that I already do. I tend to consider myself a pretty happy person. The list says to:

-Make good friends

-Express thankfulness

-Give

-Do what you excel at often

Now, the last portion of the list is something that I find I struggle with. I am a dreamer. I love dreaming of becoming a yoga instructor (full-time) and enjoying nature and the life that goes with doing what I love. But, I have always left it at a dream.

The other things that happy people do are:

–Actively pursue goals- “Goals you don’t pursue aren’t goals, they’re dreams, and dreams only make you happy when you’re dreaming.”

-Don’t chase material items (I am a big online deal shopper)

-Live the life you want to live

This has really made me think hard on my yoga instructor dream. I’ve always left it at my “ideal life” because most places in Wisconsin don’t pay as well for me to work full-time. This has been my thought process for the last few years. Everything that I’m good at doesn’t pay well for a career. This list made me remember of how I used to think growing up. I always used to say, I would rather make $20,000 or less a year having a job that I love versus being rich at something I don’t really like. Because your job is essentially your life and if you’re not happy doing that, you’re not going to be as happy with your life.

Somewhere along the lines, I forgot that train of thought. I’ve decided I want to gain that back. I will actively pursue my goal of becoming a yoga instructor. It may not happen overnight, but I will make small steps to get myself to my dream. Even if that means a part-time yoga instructor with a full-time job, at least I’ll be happy. And isn’t that what we all want out of our existence on this earth?

Here’s to hoping we all find our peace, love, and happiness! 

Article Source:https://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/advisor/7-things-to-do-that-will-make-you-happier-175823605.html

 

From the Heart

I want to write what is in my heart and I want to be able to reach others who are in similar places in life. I have always wanted to help people; to be the one that everyone can rely on. But what happens when you finally decide to think for yourself and put yourself first?

To be real, to be honest, seem to be the hardest things for the outside world to grasp. When you spend a lifetime being more passive, people tend to take offense when you finally stay true to who you are. And I suppose, that it is with good reason. They feel that they know who you are and they can’t fathom what has gotten into you lately. They just want you to go back to how they used to know you.

As you can imagine, this post is about me. I tend to be more sensitive with people’s emotions that I put my own on the backburner, because I’m so concerned with not wanting to hurt other people. The repercussions are not so kind to me though. I stifle my real feelings because I don’t want to cause any problems, with the result being that I’m still left with my own problems not being dealt with.

I struggle daily with wanting to be a “real” person. A person who can genuinely care for people’s needs and find harmony and joy in every moment;and then I doubt my kindness as a person when I find that I can’t please everyone. Unfortunately, peace and harmony at every moment is not a realistic expectation.

But, I’ve discovered that I can at least look for the pieces in the chaos that are different than how I would have done things in the past. I can find improvement in myself, in a situation that may not be able to be fully improved. I can learn to have faith when I can’t find the lessons in the hardships right away. I can accept that it is okay to be upfront with others if it means that I’m taking care of myself. There is a quote that coincides with that line of thought, that I tend to relate to. “Do no harm, but take no shit.” Practice peace. Practice Harmony. Find the light in the darkness, but don’t allow others to smother your light.

Inhale. Exhale. Smile, because life always goes on.

To Find a Purpose

I feel empowered by the written word. I feel obligated to write my story down on paper…er, computer screen. Some days the words need to be coaxed and soothed out of my system. While other days, each letter runs rampantly out of each fingertip, aching to be a part of my story. But every time that I write, I feel a sense of newness and purpose. It’s a way to give back to people that I’ve never met.  It’s my way to renew my soul and find hope in everyday ordinariness. I only hope that my writing can reach out to one person and help them find those same things

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A Tribute

I had previously written a post about my grandpa who had Alzheimer’s, A Rare Spirit. Since that post in  March my grandfather has passed away. 

Before he passed, I was able to see him one last time.

This last day he remembered who I was. He kept telling me over and over that we were the best of friends. He also told me that I was his sweetheart. I don’t think I will ever forget those last words because he spent most of my life telling me those things. But it meant even more to me that day that he could remember. It’s amazing how important memories become when a person you love loses their own.

My heart breaks and my eyes water just thinking about my Grandpa Howard. There will never be another like him. He was honest and trustworthy…the kind of man who would do anything for his family. He was always there as much as he could be for everyone. Howie had enough sass in him to make the worst day, a great day.

The  main thing that causes my heart to fissure is the thought, I wish I had more time. There never seems to be enough of it when it comes to loved ones. I loved Howie with all my heart and I wish I could tell him that 1 million times over. 

I miss his laugh.  I miss resting my head on his knee while I sat by his feet at family gatherings. I miss the way he called everyone “friend” and treated strangers like they were just that. I miss my cousin Leah and I being his sweethearts. I miss everything about that man. 

I know that he would laugh and say, Sweetheart, life doesn’t work that way. We’ll see each other soon enough.

He always had such faith in the ones that loved him.

With that, the rest that I want to say can be summed up with these lyrics by Carrie Underwood from her song, See you again.

Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone
Faded into the setting sun,
Slipped away
But I won’t cry
Cause I know I’ll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me,
You are the light I follow

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you
In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me

I will see you again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again.

‘Til I see you again,

 

Everyone is a Critic

The world itself is already a pretty scary place. But when you have to add in the age old fear of people liking you, it seems 10 times worse.  Those feelings of self doubt that you weren’t even aware you still had, slowly creep up from your gut and nestle into the crevices of your brain.

I am a person, like every other person, who would just like to get along with everyone. To some people that might sound like I’m a very likable person with few conflicts in life. Although I would like to say I am a likable person the latter part of the previous sentence is not true.

It seems every person I am closest with, I have had some sort of argument with. These circumstances I find to be helpful in the growing process of a healthy friendship and relationship. The friends that I have are like family to me. That statement wouldn’t be true to me if we couldn’t be honest with each other. Even though I have argued with my loved ones, every one of them would describe me as an optimist. To me, that means everything because they have seen the ugliest sides of me and can still look at me and see me as beautiful. These are the people I hold dearest to my heart.

Now, where my heart conflicts, there are also people that you want to like you because you like them. I adore my boyfriend’s family even when they irritate me. But that is also part of who I am. Thanks to my amazing parents, I was taught that you try your hardest to accept people, even on their worst days. If you don’t get along one day, there is always tomorrow and it always starts fresh. Part of who they are (or so it seems to me) is that if you aren’t part of their family, your worst days are usually what is remembered. They are the only people I know (not to be conceited) that don’t like me for no real reason. They have their reasons but none of them seem to be any real reason to dislike a person so much.  What amazes me is that their son (my boyfriend) is one of the most loving people that I know. He accepts everyone just how they are and accepts the roles that they play in his life. He doesn’t pretend to be someone he is not; I know every “ugly” side there is to him and vice versa.

I struggle to try to be a better person every day that I can..what I struggle with is this: When should we take to heart people’s criticisms of our worst selves and make changes and when do we just say, screw it. I love who I am? When do we start to become our own best critic instead of our worst?

 

The Joys (or Pains) of Being in my Twenties

Most of my life I have felt that I need to find a certain path, or the “right” path. I admire the people around me that know what they love and have careers in it. I grew up with parents that had goals in life and kept moving until they hit those goals, and then proceeded to make new ones.

So it’s probably no wonder, that at the age of twenty-five, with no discernable life goal or career path, that I feel a little lost. I struggle daily trying to find what is right for me. I immediately went into cosmetology school after high school and proceeded to have jobs in salons. I thought that this would be my career for a lifetime.

After a few years in a salon environment I came to find out that the catty atmosphere was overriding any joy I had in being a hair designer. I then proceeded to try out going back to college because I felt that I needed to do something….even though I still wasn’t sure what.

I recently made a mistake when it came to my schooling and I felt so ashamed at the end result that I didnt even fight for what I wanted. Anyone who knows me as a person, knows that I don’t like to take things lying down. This came to make me feel even worse about my situation.

I have an amazing best friend that pointed out to me that I haven’t screwed up much in my life and to have this mistake under my belt is not going to ruin me for the rest of my life..as long I take the action that I need to continue forward on this journey called life.

 

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

A Rare Spirit

My grandpa has Alzheimer’s.

Just that one line breaks my heart in two. He is a person who has always accepted me as I am, proud of me no matter what I do. He was just proud to introduce me as his granddaughter. It is hard to use the words “is” and “was” in the same paragraph to describe him. Somedays he is here and somedays he doesn’t know who I am. 

Today was a good day. He knew who I was and told me over and over that he loved me very much. It made me so happy to hear it that it broke my heart at the same time. It’s a strange feelig to be with someone but feel like you’re saying good bye to them at the same time.

Every time I see him, I feel like I lose another part of him. But I take comfort in knowing that whatever part of him that is lost, I am taking it with me. I can only hope that I can take the best parts of him and incorporate them into my own being. He is the most amazing person I will ever meet; Few people have kindred spirits and I am lucky to have found a kindred spirit in him.